Healthy Relationships: Adopting New Patterns of Belief

Healthy Relationships: Adopting New Patterns of Belief
Facing the truth can be painful and scary. Sometimes we ignore the truth about what’s going on and pretend our relationships are healthy. We turn a blind eye, ignore red flags and let things unfold even though deep down, we know it’s negative and demeaning.
Emotionally Healthy Relationships
Being selfish, self-absorbed and “all about me” kills any empathy or compassion on the heart. Self-focus makes our world small and create multitude of problems for those in a relationship with you. In contrast, when we focus on others our world gets bigger as it increases our capacity for connection and compassionate action.
Thankfully, God Wants to Heal Our Emotional Scars
  • Control and manipulation are the biggest signs of emotionally unhealthy relationships. If you hold on too tight, you’re controlling, manipulating, and trying to get your partners to do what you think is best.
  • Hang on loosely; don’t cling and don’t demand everything you want. Break free from approval to make you feel good.
  • Emotionally healthy relationships are filled with challenges and growth, support, and love. Never having conflict or friction is unhealthy.
  • Toxic relationships are full of silence, anxiety, hopelessness and suffocation. They’re disconnected and distanced with no opportunity for growth. 
  • Creating healthy relationships means being honest about who you are and how you feel. You have to be authentic about your strengths and weaknesses.
  • In toxic relationships, we hide what we really think, feel, and mean. To be healthy, admit you’re imperfect and loved despite flaws and weaknesses.
  • Respect and gratitude. You’d relate to your partner differently if you saw them as a gift, a blessing, or a treasure. You’d treat them differently, with gentleness and kindness.
Putting our focus on others is an important part in creating emotionally healthy relationships – but we must also take care of ourselves.
Finding a balance between the two are what emotionally healthy relationships are all about.
Things You Should Be Able To Do If You’re Emotionally Healthy
  • Resist being angry, withdrawn or passive-aggressive. 
  • Communicate honestly and graciously. Be able to talk about your feelings.
  • Focus on the needs and desires of your spouse, listen and put yourself in their shoes.
  • Express physical and verbal affection to your spouse. This means hugs, touch and praise.
  • Confront complaints in a gracious manner. Communicate with honesty regarding what’s gone wrong.
  • Receive complaints and corrections without being defensive or hostile, meaning you’re open to input.Healthy Relationships: Adopting New Patterns of Belief
  • Take responsibility for your behavior and apologize with sincerity and grace. Accept that you CAN be wrong.
  • Serve and give to your spouse—or others—without expecting anything in return.
  • Be able to do something for others even if it’s never reciprocated.
  • Process anger, offense, and disappointment in a gracious manner. Deal with imperfect people in an imperfect world.
  • Be vulnerable to reveal your weaknesses without fear or shame. Pray with your spouse by admitting you need help.
  • Be joyful and faith-filled in the midst of difficulty by seeing the good in your spouse/people.
  • Trust God rather than becoming pitiful, prideful, negative, discouraged, or depressed.

Do These Abilities Abide In You?

If not, you may have some emotionally unhealthy areas in your heart and it will damage your relationships. The Holy Spirit is powerful and can repair the places that are broken inside. He knows exactly what’s wrong. When we understand we’re damaged and let Him fix us, He does. Ask God to to begin healing and restoring you to good health, or your marriage will never grow beyond your limitations. He’ll help you grow into a place where you can claim all the abilities above. It will result in a stronger, healthier marriage.

Many Reference Proverbs 31 For Good ReasonIn Proverbs 31, we see an all-out illustration of the godly wife and mother. She’s this virtuous woman worth far more than rubies. Who can beat that? Her husband trusts in her completely, she does him good all the days of her life. She knits, sews their own clothing, makes tapestry, she is never idle and her hands are always moving. She rises early in the morning and goes to bed late at night. She clothes her children well and they are never cold. She works the fields with her hands growing crop, then brings her stuff to the market to sell, and feeds her household well. She is a strong honorable woman, very generous to the poor and needy. Her husband is a well-respected man where they live and when she opens her mouth, out pours wisdom. Her children look up to her and call her blessed. So does her husband. She is not caught up in outward beauty; her beauty comes from her fear of the Lord.WOW!!!! Quite a standard to live up to, right?Many other proverbs give insight into how a woman of God is to walk, what kind of womanly influence she is to have in her household.

Follow me as we take a look and glean a few takeaways! These are more pieces of advice that address our hearts, tongues, and priorities – some specifically aimed at wives and mothers.


  • Compared to Wisdom, the Lady Folly is rowdy, loud, naive and ignorant. Proverbs 9:13
  • A wise woman builds her house, but a foolish one picks it to splinters with her own hands. Proverbs 14:1
  • The man who finds a wife finds something good, and the favor of the Eternal is indeed his. Proverbs 18:22
  • Much like a gold ring in the snout of a pig, so is a beautiful woman who lacks good judgmentProverbs 11:22
  • Houses and riches may be inherited from parents, but a sensible wife is a gift from the Eternal. Proverbs 19:14
  • You would be better off living in the middle of the desert than with an angry and argumentative wife. Proverbs 21:19
  • A dignified wife brings honor to her husband; a shameful wife is decay eating at his bones. Proverbs 12:4
  • It is better to dwell outside on the corner of your roof than to live inside your house with a badgering wife. Proverbs 21:9
  • The alluring words of a seductive woman are a deep hole; the Eternal is incensed toward those who fall in. Proverbs 22:14
  • Foolish children bring misery to their fathers, and a wife’s bickering is a like constant dripping from a leaky roof. Proverbs 19:13


  • When we speak brashly, folly is upon us seeking attention for ourselves.
  • Words of grace, discernment, and purity are pleasing in the sight of God and man.
  • Be fueled in God’s Word of hope! Stay away from worldly lust, keep your heart pure. 
  • Do you exercise wisdom or folly? Godly ladies build up others, lifting spirits that flourish. 
  • A woman’s behavior reveals her relationship with the Lord, and the value of her character


  • We have potential to be a direct blessing from Him, worth far more than any riches.
  • An upright wife brings glory and honor to her husband, she is excellence in her ways.
  • Her prudence—or thoughtfulness over others is a lovely fruit of her faith in the Lord.


Scripture’s Language Is Strong – Due to discontent, a nagging wife is a sorrowful thing in her household. Wow! Once she loses sight of Christ, the dangers of becoming quarrelsome and generating unnecessary friction increase dramatically.  The godly wife is to seek loving God and her husband wholeheartedly, for this leads to peace and prosperity.


  • 12. My son, keep your father’s commandment, and forsake not your mother’s teaching. Proverbs 6:20
  • 13. A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is a sorrow to his mother. Proverbs 10:1
  • 14. A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish man despises his mother. Proverbs 15:20
  • 15. The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. Proverbs 29:15


You may be thinking: these are about sons, not women! Yet the son reflects the mother, the one who teaches him.

These proverbs reinforce the powerful reality that our mothering has a long-term impact on the attitude of our children…and that we should be so deeply tied to the nurturing of our children that their disobedience or disrespect is heartbreaking.

The last proverb gives us a solution. It tells us moms that we have to be willing to love our children through discipline, correcting their wrongs with devoted discipleship, for it reaps godliness rather than shame.

While touching aspects of womanhood a little differently than Proverbs 31, these proverbs provide wisdom that remind us to speak sweet words, serve our husbands joyfully, and impact our children for good.