Biblical Love, Infatuation & Fleeting Emotions

THINGS WE LEARNED ON BIBLICAL LOVE AND MARRIAGE

Things We Learned on Biblical Love And Marriage

As we were preparing for a life together, Marcel and I spent a lot of time researching the subject of Biblical Love and Marriage. I was out of a 45 year marriage while Marcel had never been married. I was a Mom to 3, grandmother to 5 – Marcel had never had children. We came from two entirely different places that had shaped and molded us in different ways.

One thing we knew for sure is we wanted God to be #1, if we were to love properly & succeed.

This week, we celebrated our first year together and rated it at 9 out of 10. YAY! 

That’s not to say we didn’t have difficulties or challenges.

A couple months into the marriage, we got our cute little Chorkie and we named her Kako. We launched into house renovations at the same time that lasted over 6 months. We had workers in the house regularly and things helter-skelter everywhere. It tried, tested and stretched us.

But, one thing we did at the end of each day was cuddle in bed. For 2 hours, we talked, and talked. It was our connection place to relax and lay everything out. It did wonders for our relationship and kept us on the right path.

“Love is a Choice You Make Everyday.”

God designed marriage to be a life commitment between one man & one woman.

“I do” is a promise to love and be faithful to each other:

      • No matter how difficult it gets
      • No matter what happens, good or bad
      • No matter how much one wants to walk away

The 1st feelings of infatuation can’t fuel that sort of marriage.

Christ is the only one who will keep it happy and healthy for the long run. Love is a conscious decision to be kind, affectionate, understanding and forgiving. You can’t always feel the love, but you can always make the choice to act with love.

Below is a series of things we learned on Biblical Love.

I pray it teaches you things you didn’t know, affirms the things that you knew, and blesses YOU as you rest in Jesus.

IS LOVE A FEELING OR A CHOICE?

If you answered feeling, you’ll never have a lasting relationship of any kind.

  • Love is a choice, a conscious commitment.
  • It’s something you choose everyday to work out with a person who wants the same thing as you.

You see, feelings can only get you so far.

At one point, the “feeling of love” will vanish or fade away because that’s what feelings do. They change and you can’t build on such shaky foundation. Long-term, those who rely on feelings choose to walk away. Since they don’t “feel” the love anymore, they believe love is gone. How sad and deceiving that is. Love is an action word; it’s putting your hand to the plow and not looking back.

In an early relationship, feelings ARE at their peak.

True. It’s called the “honeymoon” stage for a reason! When you don’t know this stuff, you’re always looking for the next “feeling” of love, usually with someone new. Many believe since the feelings have “changed” or aren’t as intense, that love is gone. They don’t “love” their partner anymore so they must move on. That is NOT Biblical love and feelings WILL deceive you.

The person who makes your heart flutter or your head spin is not deserving if they’re not reliable, committed, or willing to walk with you on the ugliest days. Be assured that the someone who thinks you’re their universe will eventually stop seeing the stars in your eyes. Your “perfection” will disappear. (Wink!)

Infatuation is a feeling and it’s impossible to stay infatuated for the rest of your life.

Feelings come and go but since it’s a decision, love is forever. In the Bible, love is primarily an action word, not an emotion.

      • Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude.
      • It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;
      • it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.
      • Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
      • Love never ends.  1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church. 

Wives, respect your husbands as the church does Christ.

Husband, love your wife as yourself & wife, respect your husband.

(Ephesians 5:25) (Ephesians 5:33)

“A woman loved by her husband grows in beauty.

A man respected by his wife becomes more respectable.”

Love & Respect:

  • Husbands are told to love their wives because it’s not always easy to do so.
  • Wives are told to honor their husbands because it’s not always easy to do so.
  • If we were all doing it naturally, why bring it up?
  • Women do better at loving than men. Men do well with respecting.

Biblical Love, Infatuation & Fleeting Emotions Men Run on Respect, Women on Love

We all need to be loved and respected. However, when Scripture specifically instruct men to love and women to respect it’s URGENT that men remember their wives need love, and that wives remember their husbands need respect. When in a tough spot, the tendency of the spouse is to give what they themselves need. Wives reach out to husbands with love, when respect is what would help. Husbands back away, thinking this is respect, “giving space” when they should show love. MAJOR FAIL.

Love & Respect Are Both Powerful

The Bible teaches this kind of love and respect is powerful and beautiful. A woman loved by her husband grows in beauty. The same potency is found in a godly woman’s respect: chaste behavior can break a man’s disobedient spirit (1 Peter 3:1–2). Concentrating on their marriages, men and women are to love and respect each other with all their hearts. The results can be astonishing.

“Fill Your Spouse’s Tank in the Way They Need.”

DEAL BREAKERS IN YOUR MARRIAGE

  • Never Threaten With Divorce. You’re married for life, so divorce is off the table. Don’t give the devil a foothold by using threats of divorce to get your spouse to do something. In fact, take the word OUT of your vocabulary altogether. Learn to work out your problems without using that word.
  • Never Go to Sleep Angry. Work out disagreements on a daily basis cause if you don’t, resentment will begin to fester like a cancer. If you can’t find a solution on your own, get Godly counsel. Couples who are wise know it’s not a sign of weakness to ask for help.
  • NEVER “Agree to Disagree.” Marriage is the longest journey and you’re both going opposite directions, you will be in conflict. Either you build your house together or you are tearing it apart. Seek God and godly counsel until you get on the same page.
  • Respect and Accept Differences. Any two individuals don’t always see the world in the same way. If your partner thinks or sees things differently from you, do not dishonor or disrespect by judging or talking bad about each other. Would you really want to deal with another you? Thank God for the difference. It makes for a better team.
  • Give Each Other the Right to Complain & Be Honest. Without paying a price. Listen to understand the complaint and work to make it right with a good attitude. Watch your body language! Don’t roll your eyes, be defensive or tune out. Don’t shame each other for being honest.
  • Be Faithful. You can be unfaithful without being sexual. During frustration or difficulty, beware of entering an emotional fling with someone of the opposite sex. Your problems are to be resolved with your partner, only. Many marriages have been destroyed by one party opening a door that became too difficult to close.
  • Build Relationships with Other Believers. Decide what your marriage will look like in five years, and observe the couples you’re spending time with. Divorces run in packs. Seek friends who encourage you to do the right thing, especially during hard times. Stay connected to a Bible-believing church where the Word of God’s is preached on a weekly basis.  
  • Make Decisions Together. You’re equal partners, not one dominant and one submissive. When making significant decisions, both have equal input and respect for each other’s opinions.  
  • Prioritize Your Marriage Above All Else. Apart from God, your marriage is the most important relationship in your life, even more than children, your job, personal interests or hobbies. Work hard to meet each other’s needs, and refuse to sacrifice your marriage for anything or anyone else.
  • Marriage Covenant Designed by God. The vows “for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health” are the vows of your covenant. That means your marriage is based on the decision to love and cherish each other, not on feelings, convenience or comfort.
Many Reference Proverbs 31 For Good ReasonIn Proverbs 31, we see an all-out illustration of the godly wife and mother. She’s this virtuous woman worth far more than rubies. Who can beat that? Her husband trusts in her completely, she does him good all the days of her life. She knits, sews their own clothing, makes tapestry, she is never idle and her hands are always moving. She rises early in the morning and goes to bed late at night. She clothes her children well and they are never cold. She works the fields with her hands growing crop, then brings her stuff to the market to sell, and feeds her household well. She is a strong honorable woman, very generous to the poor and needy. Her husband is a well-respected man where they live and when she opens her mouth, out pours wisdom. Her children look up to her and call her blessed. So does her husband. She is not caught up in outward beauty; her beauty comes from her fear of the Lord.WOW!!!! Quite a standard to live up to, right?Many other proverbs give insight into how a woman of God is to walk, what kind of womanly influence she is to have in her household.

Follow me as we take a look and glean a few takeaways! These are more pieces of advice that address our hearts, tongues, and priorities – some specifically aimed at wives and mothers.

WOMANHOOD SPEAKS LOUDLY

  • Compared to Wisdom, the Lady Folly is rowdy, loud, naive and ignorant. Proverbs 9:13
  • A wise woman builds her house, but a foolish one picks it to splinters with her own hands. Proverbs 14:1
  • The man who finds a wife finds something good, and the favor of the Eternal is indeed his. Proverbs 18:22
  • Much like a gold ring in the snout of a pig, so is a beautiful woman who lacks good judgmentProverbs 11:22
  • Houses and riches may be inherited from parents, but a sensible wife is a gift from the Eternal. Proverbs 19:14
  • You would be better off living in the middle of the desert than with an angry and argumentative wife. Proverbs 21:19
  • A dignified wife brings honor to her husband; a shameful wife is decay eating at his bones. Proverbs 12:4
  • It is better to dwell outside on the corner of your roof than to live inside your house with a badgering wife. Proverbs 21:9
  • The alluring words of a seductive woman are a deep hole; the Eternal is incensed toward those who fall in. Proverbs 22:14
  • Foolish children bring misery to their fathers, and a wife’s bickering is a like constant dripping from a leaky roof. Proverbs 19:13

YOUR WORDS, DO THEY STRESS OR REFRESH?

  • When we speak brashly, folly is upon us seeking attention for ourselves.
  • Words of grace, discernment, and purity are pleasing in the sight of God and man.
  • Be fueled in God’s Word of hope! Stay away from worldly lust, keep your heart pure. 
  • Do you exercise wisdom or folly? Godly ladies build up others, lifting spirits that flourish. 
  • A woman’s behavior reveals her relationship with the Lord, and the value of her character

GOD SHARES ENCOURAGEMENT FOR WIVES OUT THERE

  • We have potential to be a direct blessing from Him, worth far more than any riches.
  • An upright wife brings glory and honor to her husband, she is excellence in her ways.
  • Her prudence—or thoughtfulness over others is a lovely fruit of her faith in the Lord.

A WIFE CAN MAKE OR BREAK HER HOUSEHOLD

Scripture’s Language Is Strong – Due to discontent, a nagging wife is a sorrowful thing in her household. Wow! Once she loses sight of Christ, the dangers of becoming quarrelsome and generating unnecessary friction increase dramatically.  The godly wife is to seek loving God and her husband wholeheartedly, for this leads to peace and prosperity.


MOTHERHOOD

  • 12. My son, keep your father’s commandment, and forsake not your mother’s teaching. Proverbs 6:20
  • 13. A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is a sorrow to his mother. Proverbs 10:1
  • 14. A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish man despises his mother. Proverbs 15:20
  • 15. The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. Proverbs 29:15

Takeaways:

You may be thinking: these are about sons, not women! Yet the son reflects the mother, the one who teaches him.

These proverbs reinforce the powerful reality that our mothering has a long-term impact on the attitude of our children…and that we should be so deeply tied to the nurturing of our children that their disobedience or disrespect is heartbreaking.

The last proverb gives us a solution. It tells us moms that we have to be willing to love our children through discipline, correcting their wrongs with devoted discipleship, for it reaps godliness rather than shame.

While touching aspects of womanhood a little differently than Proverbs 31, these proverbs provide wisdom that remind us to speak sweet words, serve our husbands joyfully, and impact our children for good.